Intrepid participant-observer-taskmaster-spiritual leader Marty Mazur (Bwana to the track faithful) circulates a weekly email report of the goings-on of the Thursday Track Crew. Here are some samples:

Tuesday, June 3, 1997 (Note: This was before the Track Crew became the Thursday Track Crew.)
Subject: This is June?


With numb extremities, Mike Dooris, Jim Myers and Marty Mazur hoofed it
down to the track like a bunch of blizzard-spooked caribou. Once we got
there, however, we found that all the whale blubber we'd been gnawing on
all winter gave us a bit of extra warmth and energy.

The Summerfest Mile (did someone say summer?) is coming up on Saturday at
Our Lady of Victory. With a field including Jim Myers, Marty Mazur, Mike
Dooris, Tom Cali and Paul Bolin, the over-40 bracket looks like it could
beat the 30-39s! To prepare for the race, we three intrepid Inuits decided
to run 6 400s at "race pace" with minimal rest (200m). Mike and Jim ran
all their 400s under 80 seconds, with a few around 75. Marty did 4 under
80, and 2 others just a bit slower. Jim ran an extra (7th) lap just for
fun. All I can say is, if we run our splits at these paces, look out Tom
Cali! See you on Saturday!

Martin A. Mazur ....................


Thursday, April 2, 1998
Subject: Another Gale Force Workout

Hale and Hearties,

The lashing and moaning of the wind could be heard coming from Track Hollow as a few of the Rec Hall Runners trotted timorously down Curtin Rd. As we approached the maelstrom, we felt ourselves being sucked into the pitiless vortex. The wind chewed us up and spat us out, but not before we had given Scylla a whack right in her Charybdis.

Jim Myers, Jim Moore, Bob Cornwall, and Marty Mazur met Ken Forstmeier down at the track. Bob's pal Ron showed up later claiming he'd gotten lost on the way. We did a couple of 200s at sprint speed for no reason I can figure out, except maybe to see if we could tear our hamstrings and not have to do any more track workouts this year. Then we did 4 400s at 78-85s pace with an 800 thrown in the middle. All runs were severely hampered by a stiff wind. It got to be comical toward the end. After two straight weeks of kite-ripping winds, I'm hoping next week's workout can be run under "normal" track conditions of 10 knot breezes.

Huffin' and a Puffin',

Martin A. Mazur ....................

"There is no steady unretracing progress in this life; we do not advance
through fixed gradations, and at last one pause:- through infancy's
unconscious spell, boyhood's thoughtless faith, adolescence, doubt...
then scepticism, then disbelief, resting at last in manhood's pondering
repose of If. But once gone through, we trace the round again: and are
infants, boys, men, and Ifs eternally. Where lies the final harbour,
whence we unmoor no more?"
-Herman Melville

Thursday, March 11, 1999
Subject: A Run Steeped In Lore


Last week, Greg Fredericks, Bob Jones and Dave Boger impressed us all by running the track workout in a blinding blizzard. We always knew that Greg was steeped in the lore of Penn State track achievement (having created a bit of it himself), and he continues to create MORE lore each week! This week, I decided to go to the track with him. It was bright, brisk and breezy as Greg, Bob, Dave, Mike Dooris, Bob Cornwall, Sandy Trevor and I headed out from Rec Hall. Bob Cornwall, Mike and Sandy peeled off to do the 4 Hills loop, but the rest of us continued on to the track. There, we did 4X400 (200 "fast" and 200 "slow" on each lap) into a brisk wind while running on top of a couple of inches of wind-packed snow and a thin layer of sun-softened snow for traction. At the end of the workout, Robin Shepherd, who had earlier been to the track and the stadium looking for us, met us as we headed up the hill. Robin elicited scant sympathy as she complained about her sunburn, gotten in Jamaica on her honeymoon last week. She came along for the run back as Greg regaled us with more Olympic lore. We ran back on one of the "sanctioned courses" that "goes back DECADES". Up the steps by the West Residence Halls we ran as Greg recounted tales of how Horace Ashenfelter III and his brother Bill would run those same steps as part of their training. Horace, (PSU'49, '55 MS H&HD) was the winner of the gold medal in the steeplechase in Olympic and world record time at the 1952 Helsinki Oylmpics, and was semifinalist in the same event at the 1956 Olympics in Melbourne. Bill (PSU 1952 H&HD) was more of a partier, but was a participant in the 1952 Olympics. As we ran, I could feel the history seep into my track shoes. Either that or it was melting snow from our run on the track!

Till next week (and the next snowstorm), keep running!

Martin A. Mazur ....................

"As Canadian as possible under the circumstances."

- Winning entry in a Canadian magazine contest
to complete the sentence "As Canadian as..."

Thursday, February 25, 2000
Subject: Rappin' With Da' Meat


Me 'n' my homies,
Da runnin' elite,
Been chillin'inside,
Avoidin' the sleet,

But the word out on the street...
(An' I ain't talkin' 'bout yo' MOMMA.
It was somethin' we saw
On, y'all)

The word that we heard
Was good enuff to eat,
'Cuz runnin' outside
Was gonna be sweet!

So Bruce "the Packer",
And Tim and Daddy G
Webmaster Mike,
And Nick and Johnnie D.,

Schoolboy Robbie
And Sanbagger "T"
Hooked up with Mr. Clydesdale
And Bwana (dat's ME)

An' last, but not least,
(And I don' wanna surprise ya'),
We had a little visit
From ma' man, the Simoniz-ah.

The boyz in the 'hood
Came to hear it from "da Meat"
And the word they got
Wuz a bit of aw'reet

He had his belly do the talkin'
An' we lissen'd to da Meat
We couldn't stop our motion
'Cuz he was talkin' to our feet!

We ran a fo'-fo'ty
An a deuce a' eighty-eights
Another trip around
An' we headed fo' the gate

We wuz huffin' and puffin'
Wit' da Meat Muffin'
An we made a little list
Of all the bloods who needed cuffin'

So if you weren't on the track
With Rapmaster Meat..FOOL!
Be glad dat he's a softie
He's the Meat that can't be beat!

Keep Runnin'

Martin A. Mazur ....................

Thursday, June 15, 2000
Subject: Midriff Crisis


In a break between thunderstorms, the Thursday Track Crew jogged down to the Penn State track. Hoping to get a glimpse of the Britney Spears entourage, the runners bared their midriffs. But as we jogged past the Jordan Center, the only midriff we saw was that of a rather rotund member of Britney's security detail parked in front of a locked gate.

Today the group consisted of Ken Forstmeier, Mike Dooris, Bob Cornwall, Bob Jones, Greg Fredericks (in spirit, but on his bike), John D'Amico, Bruce Einfalt, Dave Boger, Sherry Killam, Jay Lynch, Rick Fie, and Marty Mazur. We also had two Julies join us for a part of the workout, and we hope to see them again. The workout this week was Bwana's variation on a Steve Linder theme, the Front-Loader workout. This one I'll call the Double-Trouble Front Loader. We did two sets of the following: 800m at 95% effort, then after a short 200m jog, 4X200 while still recovering from the 800. There was a 400m rest between the two sets. Today's participants have their own name for it: The "Bwana Sucks Big-Time" Workout.

The running crew, while not "thin" today (how could it be thin with Meat Muffins baring his midriff) was missing the chunkage of Jim Kisenwether (business trip), Tom Cali (still on Recovery Road), Dave Eggler, Gerry Glyde, Nick Harris, Jim Moore (all unaccountably absent) and Ron Cunfer. Ron, freshly returned from a long field trip, could not offer a compelling reason for his absence. In fact, he recklessly tempted Bwana by stating "YOU CAN MAKE UP ANY EXCUSE YOU WANT FOR ME" (as a programming geek, he can actually state this in ALL CAPS). It was a brilliant strategy! Presented with total carte blanche, I am totally dumbstruck!

Finally, just after returning from the workout, I found the attached e-mail in my inbox.

Keep Running!


X-Sender: bjc-security@localhost
X-Mailer: QUALCOMM Windows Eudora Pro Version 4.2.2
Date: Wed, 15 Jun 2000 12:55:15 -0400
X-PH: V4.1@f05n11
To: Marty Mazur <This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.>
From: Bryce Jordan Center Security <This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.>

Thursday Track Crew:

Please do NOT come anywhere near the Bryce Jordan Center for the remainder of Miss Spears' stay in State College. While taking a break from her rehearsals, Miss Spears happened to look out the window at your group on the track. The shocking sight of your horrifying hirsute midriffs made her go through three voice changes in ten minutes. She's recovering now with an ice pack.

BJC Security Office.

Martin A. Mazur ....................

Thursday , October 12, 2000
Subject: Kulcha


Poems in iambic pentameter
Are outside my mind's small diameter.
But I love to lim'rick
Like my dog loves to face-lick;
Like she loves it when people throw ham at her.

The weather was stunningly splendid
As the trackers their way they wended.
Upon their arrival
They hung their survival
On doing the workout that Ken did.

They all ran six times a quarter
On the PSU track off of Porter.
They added two twos
(They had nothing to lose.)
But some of them ran a bit shorter.

Anderson, Jepson, Jonesy and Moore, (slight meter change here)
Klanchar, Cornwall, Einfalt and Cor
Ken D. and Tom C.
And Bwana (that's me)
Domico, Fred'ricks, Boger, more!

And now that I've done the attendance
I'll ding those in need of repentance
(But no excuse is as poor as
That of Mike Dooris:
He gets the heaviest sentence.)

Eggler, Glyde, Killam and Cunfer
Have no office that they have to run fer
So they had no excuse
And will suffer abuse
Now, who else do I have to gun fer?

Keep Running,


Martin A. Mazur ....................

Thursday, May 17, 2001
Subject: The Spanish Inquisition


It was grey and drab as Dave "The Grey Ghost" Eggler, Tom Cali, Greg Fredericks, Dave Boger, Mike Dooris, John Domico, Paul Durkin, Tut Bailey (two weeks in a row!), Ken Davis, Nick Harris, Rick Brazier, Ken Forstmeier, Marty Klanchar, Bruce Einfalt, and Marty Mazur trundled down to the track. Jim Myers, still favoring his knee, came down to punch the clock. At the track, the group met up with Julie Grubb and her friends Julie "The Other Julie" Christie, and newcomer Dana Todd.

Mike Dooris was itching to make it two weeks in a row of longer intervals, so the group did 4X800. Despite, the nice, cool weather, more than one tracker complained of feeling a little slow.

The track super-regulars are getting way beyond religious about this thing. The locker room talk was mingled with sounds of sharpening knives. It was like the Spanish Inquisition, with Greg "Torquemada" Fredericks and John "The Jesuit" Domico planning the torture of the latest heretic Bob "Fly Boy" Jones. I say "beyond religious" because not only was Bob in trouble for missing track today, but his scheduling of his outbound flight on Monday was "indicative of an attitude of disrespect for the institution of the Monday Toftrees Run". Bob's on a slippery slope to perdition. Other people destined for the rack are Sherry Killam (c'mon, Sher, you don't get married till Saturday), Liz Kisenwether, Lee Culver (no excuses anymore, mon ami), Bob "Of Course" Cornwall, Jim Moore, Gerry Glyde, Joe Cor, and Julia Erdley.

Next week: The Comfy Chair!

Keep Running,

Martin A. Mazur ....................

"NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

- Monty Python

Thursday, June 6, 2002
Subject: Poseidon Adventure


It was gloriously miserable as the fabled crew of Greg Fredericks, Bob Jones, Dave Boger, John Domico, Tom Cali, Ken Forstmeier, Nick Harris, Dana Todd, Marty Klanchar, Brandon Dugan, Bruce Einfalt, Steve and Cecilia Thorne, and Marty Mazur made like Argonauts and headed for the State College High School track. Despite being sorely tested by the Furies, the good ship Bwana did not founder in the maelstrom. The crew tested themselves on a timed mile, and had to be tied to the mast in order to stop them from doing another.

As they say, "ex pede Heculem", or "from the foot, we infer Hercules", meaning that the smallest aspect of the whole divulges the character of the whole. If my Latin were better, I could tell you what we could infer about Joe Cor, who "brought the wrong shoes", and Julie Christie, Mike Dooris, Ron Cunfer, Nick Downs, etc, etc. These children of a lesser god would avoid the Charybdis of foul weather only to dash themselves upon the Scylla of Bwana's wrath.

Keep Running!

Martin A. Mazur ....................

"Let Hercules himself do what he may,
The cat will mew and dog will have his day."

- William Shakespeare, Hamlet. Act v. Sc. 1.

Thursday, March 27, 2003
Subject: Daisies And Daffodils


Spring has finally arrived in Central Pennsylvania and Greg Fredericks, Bob Jones, Mike Dooris, Tom Cali, Bob Cornwall, John Domico, Ken Davis, Ken Forstmeier, Jim Moore, Nick Harris, Rick Brazier, Jim Moran, Brandon Dugan, Marty Klanchar, Peter Flemings, Lance Bland, Judd Michael, Julie Grubb, Julie Christie, Carol Dudukovich, Julia Erdley, Dennis Wess, Marv Hall, Mark Traband, Mike Casper, Eric Tien, Ron Cunfer, Bruce Einfalt, and Marty Mazur headed to the track for a long anticipated outdoor workout. Though signs of Spring have teased us for weeks, Old Man Winter had always returned by Thursday to frost our budding hopes.

Bwana had the forsythia to give the group a great workout: 400-1K-400-1K-400. Put your tulips together and blow kisses to Ken Davis: it was his idea. A few of the crew thought that such a tough workout would crocus. But most thought it was a bloomin' great idea! Bwana comes out smelling like a rose again!

A few runners are still mired in snowdrifts. Even though a few birds were seen at the track, none of them was a Robin. Some runners are getting ready for Spring planting. Jim Myers and George Lesieutre gave Bwana a load of manure.
Ann Wolf and Sherry Tirko were shovelling something, but I think it was at a buffet. And Paul Winkler, Tim Scitti, and Joe Cor were setting up the tire swing for summer. They all had spare tires to work with!

Keep Running!

Martin A. Mazur ....................

Signs of the end times:

You know the world has gone to hell when the best rapper is white,
the best golfer is black, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, the French
call the Americans arrogant, and the Germans don't want to go to war!

Thursday, June 12, 2003
Subject: Who'll Stop The Rain?


I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain coming down on a sunny day? I wasn't born on a bayou, but I know that they don't get this much rain down in Louisiana. If you could see it last night, there was a bad moon rising, and this morning I saw nothin' but dew, dew, dew, lookin' out my back door. Heavy dew. And a green river going down Atherton. Still Greg Fredericks and the rest of the travelin' band of Bob Jones, John Domico, Mike Dooris, Dave Eggler, Tom Cali, Bob Cornwall, Ken Forstmeier, Nick Downs, Marty Klanchar, Ron Cunfer, Eric Tien, Dana Todd, Julie Christie, Julie Grubb, Mark Traband, Paul Winkler, Tara Scheuren, George Lesieutre, Judd Michael, Dennis Wess, John Sheakoski, Bruce Einfalt, John Pringle, Greg Luna, Pedro Andia, and Marty Mazur headed for the track. And when they got there, they found that Randy Jepson had already assembled some fortunate sons (and a few sweet hitchhikers) to share the experience. There were so many people at the track, I'm glad it wasn't fogerty, otherwise we'd have been bumping into each other!

The group did a ladder of 200-400-600-800-1K. Long as I can see the light, that'll be one of my least favorite workouts. I was stuck in low gear again. But we kept on chooglin'...

I heard it through the grapevine that some of you wouldn't be at the track today. But I won't give much creedence to any of your excuses. It causes too much commotion. Most of us would run through the jungle to make a track workout! Bwana will just have to put a spell on you next time.

Keep Running!

Martin A. Mazur ....................

There's a place up ahead and
I'm going just as fast as my feet can fly
Come away, come away if you're going,
Leave the sinking ship behind.
Come on the rising wind,
We're going up around the bend.

- Creedence Clearwater Revival

Thursday, May 6, 2004
Subject: Roger That



It was a glorious day, with a blue sky, temperatures in the mid-60s, and a bright sun befitting the Golden Anniversary of Roger Bannister's sub-4 minute mile, as Greg Fredericks, Bob Jones, John Domico, Mike Dooris, Jim Myers, Tom Cali, Ken Forstmeier, Marty Klanchar, Mike Casper, Jim Moore, Ron Cunfer, Ken Davis, Nick Downs Lance Bland, Greg Dillon, Pedro Andia, Eric Tien, Dana Todd, Kirk Rager, Jay Lynch, Dennis Wess, Mark Traband, and Marty Mazur headed for the track.


In order to honor, if not recapitulate, Bannister's banner achievement, the group, at the suggestion of West Coast John Sheakoski, did 3X4 minutes. The goal was to see how far we could run in 4 minutes. Most of the group were capable of 1000+ meters. A few stretched it out to around 1200. No one in the group except Greg F. knows how it feels to cover 1609.344 meters in under 4 minutes, but we all have a better appreciation for that kind of achievement.


Quite a few of the crew covered considerably less than a mile in 4 minutes today. Since no girl has ever run a 4 minute mile, it was kind of appropriate that the track was gal-free today. Julia Erdley was at the Nat trying to see if she could hold her breath for 4 minutes. Julie Christie was watching the Shannon Faulkner workout video at her club. It's 4 minutes long. Sonia Beckner was memorizing the first 4 minutes of the drum solo from Ina-Gadda-Da-Vida to loop in her head as mood music for her next set of training runs. Tom Hilands was seeing how many Key Lime Truffles he could eat in 4 minutes. Bob Cornwall was a contestant in the 4 minute hot dog eating contest at the stand on Beaver and Pugh. He ate 4, with kraut. And Greg Luna was seeing if he could do the whole salad/bread bar at Hoss's in 4 minutes.


Keep Running!




Martin A. Mazur ....................


ON a flat road runs the well-train'd runner;
He is lean and sinewy, with muscular legs;
He is thinly clothed - he leans forward as he runs,
With lightly closed fists, and arms partially rais'd.


- Walt Whitman


Thursday, July 29, 2004
Subject: BwanaBot


<call script("theme_gen",theme,random)>

"Warm, humid, mid-70s"
"Greg Fredericks, Bob Jones, John Domico, Mike Dooris, Ken Forstmeier, Marty Klanchar, Tom Cali, Randy Jepson, Ken Davis, Ron Cunfer, Lance Bland, Nick Downs, Steve Shisler, Ed Morrissey, Dana Todd, Scott Smith, Judd Michael, Pedro Andia, Jay Lynch, Greg Luna, John Sheakoski, Bruce Einfalt, Dan Eck, Mark Traband, John Pringle, Melea Press, and Marty Mazur"
<call script("bwana_haha",para1,$theme,silly)>

<call script("bwana_haha",para2,$theme,tough)>

<default=("Dick Meyer","no good reason")>
$default+("Julia Erdly","swimming related ear infection")+("Julie Grubb","at the Spa again")+("Jim Kisenwether","pretending he's Tiger Woods")+("Mark Hilliard","singing lullabies to his satellite")
<call script("bwana_haha",para3,$theme,spankbadbad)>

"Keep Running!",

Martin A. Mazur ....................

<call script("bwana_haha",sig,$theme,popculture)>

Thursday, February 3, 2005

Subject: Out of the Shadows


The glare of media spotlights could not keep Greg Fredericks, Bob Jones, John Domico, Jim Myers, Tom Cali, Marty Klanchar, Jim Moore, Peter Flemings, Ken Davis, Greg Dillon, Nick Downs, Mark Fedkin, Jim Moran, Nate Harkins, Dana Todd, Katya Bazilevskaya, Paula Jech, Julie Grubb, Dennis Wess, Paul Winkler, Mark Traband, Megan Kiczek, Sonia Beckner, Sarah Pabian, Morgan Wasikonis, Kendra Yoder, Monika Modest, Mark and Mary Hilliard, Christina Barnes, Frank Zaffino, John Sheakoski, Tom Hilands, John Pringle, and Marty Mazur in their burrows, so they headed to the track on a mild winter afternoon, despite cousin Phil's pessimistic prognostication.

Bwana knew that his furry friends could easily amuse themselves running endlessly in circles, so he had them do 12X200. The group took to it like a bunch of crazed marmots. Winter is over for this bucktoothed bunch. Soon they'll be at their favorite springtime game: playing "chicken" on Route 26!

Despite the nice weather, a few of the crew are still hibernating. Scott Smith is snoring inside a hollow log somewhere. Greg Luna is up in a tree counting his nuts. Julia Erdley is transforming from the larval to the nymph stage. Ron Cunfer has his gums around a taproot. Or is it a tap? George Lesieutre saw his shadow and is still recovering. And Mike Dooris is taking a more Hibernian attitude toward the winter months and is training up for St. Patrick's Day.

Keep Running!


Martin A. Mazur ....................

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si
marmota monax materiam possit materiari?



Thursday, December 1, 2005
Subject: A Season To Read Joyce


River run, past Eve and Adam, and Greg Fredericks, John Domico, Mike Dooris, Jim Myers, Ken Davis, Tom Cali, Greg Dillon, Lance Bland, Jim Moore, John Sheakoski, Nick Downs, Mark Fedkin, Nate Harkins, Tim Aydin, Ron Cunfer, Frank Zaffino, and Marty Mazur. What clashes here of wills gen wonts, oystrygods gaggin fishy-gods!

We are told how in the beginning it came to pass that like cabbaging Cincinnatus the grand old gardener was saving daylight under his redwoodtree one sultry sabbath afternoon, and Bwana made them middle-maddle and in a gabbard he barqued it, the boat of life, from the harbourless Ivernikan Okean, till he spied the loom of his landfall and he loosed two croakers from under his tilt, the gran Phenician rover. By the smell of her kelp they made the pigeonhouse. Then 3X3X300 they made his runagate bowmpriss.

Three quarks for Muster Mark!
Trabanding together they had no spark,
With Bruce they went upon a Lark
To hear the seagull squark and squark,
And Hark! The squishy-fishy gals
Went offal shopping with their pals
To the malls to file the nails
Of skiff and bark to hang the sails.

Keep Running,

And, since it's Advent, keep a-wake!


Martin A. Mazur ....................

"O that awful deepdown torrent O and the sea and the sea crimson
sometimes like fire and the glorious sunsets and the figtrees
in the Alameda gardens yes and all the queer little streets and
the pink and blue and yellow houses and the rosegardens and the
jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and Gibraltar as a girl
where I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in
my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes
and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well
as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask
again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain
flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down
to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart
was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes."

- Molly Bloom's Memory Dream in "Ulysses" by James Joyce


Thursday, April 27, 2006
Subject: l33t f33t


omg teh wether wuz r0x0r 2tm as teh l33t gr00p ov greg frederickz, b0b j0nez, j0hn d0mic0, mike d00ris, jim myerz, t0m cali, ken f0rstmeier, marty klanchar, jim m00re, ken davis, judd michael, randy jeps0n, marv hall, gr3g di||0n, m4rk fedkin, m0nika and m4r4 m0dest, paula jech, kendra y00der, lance bland, t0m hilandz, nate harkinz, n1ck and p4m d0wnz, al3xis n4v4rre, esther prinz, tim spigelmeyer, martin shieldz, mary wycheck, frank zaffin0, n00b matt s0cci0, and marty mazur headed for teh track.

hax0r guru bwana s3d do 1200-1K-800. ymmv. tht wuz th3 sux4ge! frank zaffin0 wuz t3h pwnt4ge. he did 4xmile! w00t!!!!111 sux 2 b j00, d00d!!!11

t3h excusez ov teh track lusers sent bwana on a lollercoaster r1de. barz and buffayz wur l0aded wth lamerz and lurkerz. bwana sez: n3xt time wadr stfu!!!!11 lol!!! ;-P

k33p running!!!11


ps: d0nt f0rg3t mmii w db4l m4rtha. r3sp0nd 2 haxx0r j0n d0mic0.

Martin A. Mazur ....................

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